10 Things You May Not Have Known About Cindy

1. Cindy wanted to be the next Missy Elliot. Cindy always joked that the best hip-hop songs were the ones that sounded as if a 5-year old had written them. Think about it: “It’s Your Birthday” by 50 Cent. “Drop It Like It’s Hot” by Snoop Dogg. Or, how about this for simplicity: “It’s Hot in Here!“ by Nelly. Cindy was of the opinion that “if they can do it, why can’t I?” She actually kept a notebook on her nightstand so that she could jot down song lyrics as soon as they came into her head. My favorite song of hers was this gem titled: “Do It Like You Do It.”

2. Cindy hated runners. You may not have known this based on her perfect attendance at all my races. But, she hated runners with a passion. She could not stand that the majority of my races were full of gangly white people who stunk up the port-o-johns, gorged themselves on post-race bananas, and would run even during a heat advisory. Nonetheless, Cindy never missed a race of mine, even the ones that started at 6am. This Saturday, I am supposed to be doing the Crystal City Twilighter 5K and it will be the first race in 9 years that I may drop out of (Cindy and I had a great time at this race last year and made plans to run it together the next time). I’ve done three races since Cindy died, but I’ve always met up with friends before and after them. I don’t know anyone doing this race and, maybe I am a wimp, but I can’t go by myself. It’s too depressing.

3. Cindy often dreamed of reuniting Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, and Danny DeVito. I can’t tell you how many times Cindy asked me to brainstorm ideas for a reunion movie for her favorite “Romancing the Stone” actors. She was convinced it would be a blockbuster and that it would remind the world just how potent the chemistry was between Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.

4. Cindy smelled. Those closest to her may already know this, but Cindy had a funk. She used to refer to this as her ethnic “spiciness.” No matter how much deodorant or Channel Allure she wore, she had a permanent smell. The odor was not always unpleasant, but it was uniquely Cindy’s. The evening before she was taken off the respirator, I remember crawling my way up to our bedroom, kneeling before her pile of dirty laundry, and desperately trying to take in as much of her smell as I could. I grasped every article of clothing one-by-one and held it up to my nose. At some point, my friends Nikki and Tanya discovered me upstairs sniffing all these clothes and I turned to them with eyes full of tears and said, “If you were me, you’d do this too.”

5. Cindy rarely cried. I can count the number of times I witnessed Cindy cry on one hand. One time, about a month before the aneurysm, we went to the movies. I remember staying for the end credits and while we sat, Cindy observed a heavy-set, older woman with a cane trying to exit her row. The stadium theater was packed and no one coming down the aisle stairs was giving this elderly woman room to go. Cindy turned to me repeatedly and said, “Why won’t any of these people let her go?” After the crowd diminished, the woman finally left by herself. At this point, Cindy turned to me and there were tears in her eyes: “Why didn‘t anyone notice her?”

6. Cindy experienced racism throughout her life. Cindy often told me stories about how she got teased as a kid on account of being Asian. She once told me this story about the time she drove back from a concert with an African-American male friend of hers. On the way home, the car broke down. It was a dark, star-less night, and despite their best efforts to wave down a car, no one stopped for them. Finally, after three hours, a cop car drove by. They explained their situation to the officer, but instead of offering to help them, he said there was nothing he could do for them and drove away. Cindy was convinced that, had they been white, the officer would have at least called for help for them.

7. Cindy wasn’t a lesbian. Despite having mostly been in relationships with other women, Cindy did not identify as lesbian. She always said that she “loved the person, not the gender.” At first this bothered me, but the more I got to know Cindy, the more I believed that she truly loved all kinds of people. The only time this affected me was when, after her death, I discovered that her company did, in fact, offer domestic partner health benefits. Cindy never mentioned this to me.

8. Cindy blamed British new-wave rock stars from the 1980s for making us all gay. She specifically pointed her finger at these pretty-boy, eyeshadow-wearing artists: Boy George (Culture Club), George Michael (Wham!), Limahl (Kajagoogoo), and Nick Rhodes (Duran Duran).

9. Cindy's clothes and shoes took up almost every closet in the house. I used to get angry about this: "Why do you have so many clothes, but yet still wear the same hooded sweatshirt and Keene sandals everyday?" She would claim that her clothes were "classic" and that as soon as she lost some weight she would be wearing them again. When I pulled out her Ocean Pacific jam shorts from the 80s and her ginormous fleece sweatshirt from the 90s, I challenged her: "This is classic?"

10. Cindy’s primary care physician broke up with her once. Four years ago, Cindy stepped on a rusty nail on our deck and called our primary care doctor for a tetanus shot. The receptionist informed Cindy that the doctor was no longer seeing her. Having been to this much-loved doctor for several years, Cindy was left devastated and heartbroken (this was actually one of those few times I saw her cry). A couple of months later, I visited the doctor for my check-up and asked her point-blank why she dumped Cindy. She said, “I was tired of watching Cindy kill herself.” Cindy consistently ignored the doctor’s recommendations regarding her weight, her blood pressure, and her smoking. Rising to Cindy’s defense, I explained to the doctor that Cindy had just quit smoking a month ago, that she had started taking her blood pressure medicine again, and that she had bought a blood pressure machine for home. After some additional pleading, the good doctor agreed to take her back as long as Cindy kept to those changes. I promised her that she would.