Voices Carry

In my opinion, there were three times the Academy Awards got it completely wrong: 1) in 1950 when Bette Davis lost Best Actress to Judy Holliday, 2) in 2005 when Dolly Parton lost for Best Song, and 3) in 1986 when Kathleen Turner did not win Best Actress for "Peggy Sue Got Married."

"Peggy Sue Got Married" is one of those movies that I am compelled to watch regardless how many times I have seen it before. One scene, in particular, makes me cry every time--and I know I'm not the only one. Whenever someone tells me that they love this movie, 9 times out of 10, that person will mention this scene. The scene itself lasts maybe ten seconds, but it has stayed with me forever. As I approach the 306th day since Cindy's death, this scene has been playing over and over in my mind.

I am sure most of you know this movie. But, in case you don't, Peggy Sue is at her 25-year high school reunion when she faints. When she wakes up, she discovers that she has been magically transported back to 1960, her senior year of high school. Peggy Sue has a lot of fun seeing old friends restored to their younger bodies and mouthing off in her math class since she knows that in the future she "will never have the slightest use for algebra." But, then the movie takes a serious turn when confronted with the voices of those who have since passed on.

---

The TELEPHONE RINGS.

PEGGY SUE'S MOM
Would you get that, dear?

PEGGY
Sure, Mom.
(picking up the phone)
Hello.

Peggy gasps. Her mother turns to her.

PEGGY SUE'S MOM
Peggy! What's the matter? Who is it?

PEGGY
(shaken)
It's Grandma. I can't talk to her now.
(into phone)
I'm sorry, Grandma.

Peggy hands the receiver to her mother and runs out of the
room sobbing.

---

Kathleen Turner plays this scene brilliantly. The dramatic punch comes not from a long-winded, melodramatic declaration of love for her grandmother, but from Kathleen Turner's desperate look in her eyes when she hears her grandmother's voice. The voice reminds Peggy Sue of our mortality and breaks her heart.

Who wouldn't want to hear the voice of a departed loved one? What would you say if given the chance? Would you be able to control your emotions long enough to speak coherently? I've mentioned to several friends that I would chop off my right arm to talk to Cindy just one more time. When I told my friend Nancy this, she asked me what I would say to Cindy. So many words bang around in my brain that, in the end, nothing intelligible ever comes out of my mouth. Even in the scene I quoted above, Peggy doesn't actually say anything significant to her grandma.

When Cindy was in the ICU for those two weeks, my mind ached with the desire for her to wake up, even for five minutes, so that I could talk to her just one more time. I didn't know when I tossed her the batteries for the blood pressure machine that was going to be the last time I got to speak to her. No one told me this. Cindy didn't tell me this. I had no idea.

So, yes. I want to speak to her again. I want to hear her voice. Her deep, sweet voice. A word. One single word would be fine. And perhaps I could even utter a few sentences back to her. Okay, maybe we can't engage in a big conversation. That's fine. How about if I could just see her one more time. Just be able to see her dark, brown eyes staring back at mine again. I am not asking for much, am I? Seems so simple, right? With a little bit of movie magic, could this not happen?

Back in April, when I knew I had less than an hour to pack up almost 8 years of my life from the house I shared with my life partner, there was one item I was determined to get above everything else. I told my friends who helped me that if we can only get one thing, that one thing needs to be this tiny videotape labeled "Road Trip 2002." This tape contains footage of our road trip from California to Seattle. It may be years before I can ever watch this video. And quite possibly, I may never be able to watch this video. Like Peggy Sue, hearing Cindy again may be too much and I too will run from the voices.

As I end this entry, I wonder what will be the last words you say to your loved one tonight before you go to bed? Maybe it's "I love you?" Maybe it's "Turn over, you're snoring." No matter what, I am envious of you.