Since my plans for a support group have been waylaid, I will not turn down any offer to casually talk to any other widows or widowers. So far I have three people in my unofficial group:
1. JL--Today I drove to Annapolis to have lunch with JL. Her husband, who was in his mid-60s, passed away from pancreatic cancer this year. She served me cold cuts for lunch and banana bread with Cool Whip for dessert. I haven't had bologna in ages so that was a real treat. Something about losing your loved one makes it hard for you to eat anything but the most basic of foods. In fact, for the first 2 weeks after the funeral, I lived off of mashed potatoes and turkey soup.
JL, is a friend's mother from high school. Although I have not seen the friend or her mom for at least 17 years, she had no reservations about extending support to me and allowing me to share my story. I was moved by her story as well and the struggles she endured while her husband was sick.
2. MC--He's my pen pal from Arizona whom I have never met in person. He is teaching me about learning to live a life with a "sweet sadness" as opposed to one with sadness and despair.
3. JP--She lives in Seattle and although I have never met her, she writes me the most helpful messages. This week she reminded me that it is okay to honor my feelings of grief and sadness, as long as I am still kind to myself.
Oftentimes, I have to write back to some of these members with questions like: "What do you mean let the emotions wash over you?" or "How I am supposed to be kind to myself when I just want to slam my hand through a window?" And, without fail, they write back right away and with an example from their own experience.
I am so grateful to these people for opening themselves up to me and holding a flash light for me as I walk through this dark cave. But, most importantly, I am slowly feeling accountable to my fellow club members. If they are doing their best to allow their emotions to be expressed, to be kind to themselves, and to enjoy each day, then who am I not to do the same?
4 comments:
Glad you're finding this support, even if it's long distance. Sending you warm, supportive vibes.
Just like the r*** tunnel on our race, it may be dark, but you'll get through it. Then you'll be stronger on the other side. These people are your flashlight, and all of your friends are waiting at the end of your leg of the race cheering you on... to embrace you and celebrate life together.
this is great, really great! i'm so glad you found these people and you are helping and supporting each other.
I am really glad you have found these people. You have a lot of friends & family that care and love you a lot, but most of us just don't know this exact same experience. So, having these other people is such a wonderful thing!
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