Widow Tidbit #1

Here's a little something you may not know about widows. I don't normally generalize about entire groups of people, but so far my experience has been entirely textbook, so I feel I may not be alone in this. Since this entire traumatic experience started, I take EVERYTHING that people say literally. You could tell me that you saw Princess Diana sitting in a greasy spoon eating waffles with James Dean and I WILL believe you. I am not certain why this is. It may be because when you lose someone so important to you, you want to believe that the unexpected can happen, that miracles are possible. I know when I was at Cindy's burial, I kept looking all around the perimeter expecting to see her. I blame it on movies like "Ghost" or "The Sixth Sense" where you are fed the idea that dead people haunt the living. And, in a way, I want to be haunted.

So, I would be careful what you tell me because my joke/truth filter is completely broken. And I am taking as gospel whatever nonsense is said to me. I know I am not thinking straight and I just keep looking to other people for guidance on how to survive this. When people talk to me, I am sitting at the edge of my seat hoping for some magic words that will explain why I am going through this or how I can get through this. I know I probably shouldn't put those expectations on people, but trust me, if you were in my shoes, you'd be doing the same. You just get desparate.

Posted with LifeCast